2 Things You Can Do to Protect Your Children During a Divorce

Going through a divorce is never easy. Both spouses will experience a great deal of stress and trauma, even if the divorce is for the best. Anytime a once meaningful relationship ends, there will be a period of grief. But what many people don't recognize is that the divorce can be just as bad or worse for the children. If you have children, you need to be very understanding of their stress and feelings of trauma during the divorce. Here are some things you can do to make the divorce easier on your children.

1. Never Include Children As Part of the "Estate"

When you meet with the attorneys, you will need to divide the estate. This will probably result in some fighting. Most couples have a hard time deciding how to split everything, and you should expect to have some compromising and negotiating in the process. You might even use certain things for leverage to get what you want. During this time you might be tempted to lump the custody of the children in the estate. Negotiating their custody in this way might help you get the vacation home, but the custody of the children is not a way to get back at your spouse. This is one place where it is not about your spouse but is only about the children and their needs. You must realistically think about what is best for the kids and do that. You and your spouse must treat the custody of your children like a business agreement and not an emotional divorce. This will be the best way to ensure that the children are getting the best outcome when it comes to custody.

2. Let Your Children Be Angry

Your children are probably going to feel angry about the divorce. There may be times when they are frustrated with you and blame you for their lives being so difficult. In some ways they are correct: you and your spouse chose to get a divorce, and they had no say in the matter, but they have to live with the consequences. If you try to put pressure on your child to protect your feelings, or if you make them feel like they can't express themselves, they are more likely to act out in other ways. Try not to get offended when they express their frustration with the situation. You are most likely frustrated too, but just try to love your children, even when they feel angry.

By doing these things, you can protect your children during divorce. Talk to a lawyer, such as one from Nichols, Speidel, & Nichols, for more information about custody arrangements. 

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